My bf and I have been getting into the lifestyle a lot more over the last year. We’ve reached point where we have one person we see regularly (we’ll call him Alex). We’ve hung out about 5 times so far. He’s a lot of fun in bed and out of it; we usually go out for dinner/drinks beforehand, play some pool or poker, generally just relax and chill.

Before I get any further let me just say that Alex always seems to enjoy himself. He’s happy to hang out outside of the bedroom, texts us about whatever random thing crosses his mind, is always eager to get clothes off, and drives 90 minutes (one way!) to see us, when it isn’t our turn to drive.

That said, he doesn’t cum very often when we play. The first time we hooked up and he did, he seemed genuinely surprised. Past that, I’d say twice it’s happened for him, even if we’re going multiple rounds one day/night. He’ll get hard, seems very into it, talks dirty, tells us what he wants and asks us what we want, but eventually will say “I don’t think it’s going to happen tonight”. He doesn’t seem upset or surprised by this, just lets us know and moves on. We’ve always just accepted that at face value and not discussed it.

My question is, is accepting it like that the right thing to do? Is it ok (or even good?) to just say, all right and let it go? Or should we be probing deeper, asking if there’s something we can do to make this really great for him?

If it matters Alex is 33. One potential factor-we tend to get drinks before we hook up. Not enough that I’d expect it to interfere, nobody is trashed or honestly I would even have thought buzzed. But maybe it affects him differently.

I’d welcome any thoughts!