Hi,

My wife and I have been in the lifestyle for two years. We are running into a common issue where we will meet and chat with a couple online, and then set up a time to meet in person usually a vanilla date.

After what seems like a successful meeting and everyone is interested in things going further on a later date, we will set up a time for a playdate. At some point before the date, they disclose that they have an STI - which is a dealbreaker for us

While we are glad they are honest about this - we're also wishing this info would be put out there before investing the time energy into chatting, vetting, vanilla date, and setting up playtime - only to be told a few days before the meeting that there is this issue.

I do most of the pre-date screening of couples. My wife has asked that I start asking people about their STI status before getting her involved because she is tired of wasting time when there is such a clear dealbreaker potential that we aren't asking about.

I think it makes sense practically speaking, it just feels weird to me to be asking up front about this of a couple before we have even met them in person. I'm not entirely sure why. I'm also hoping maybe this subreddit has suggestions on how to navigate this topic with a couple before even meeting?