I am not a sexuality expert. My education isn’t in that arena, but I do read a lot, and find it all very engrossing. The topic of hypergamy is fascinating to me lately, and a recent conversation on the way to the club struck at me. I haven’t revisited it, and might not to avoid a blowup over a nothing-burger .

Background: So we’ve been at this 2-3 years now, and it’s been great. A major shift for us since we started is that I dropped around 40lbs while getting visible abs and much bigger muscles. I look like a new human, which is to say nearly what I looked like at 25, and I’m 50. Our opportunities as a couple shot through the roof when this happened.

Cool, right? Well, only sort of. I’ve noticed lately that she’s pickier than ever. Guys she would’ve been happy with 6 months ago are a non-starter at first glance now.

As we’re driving to the club last night, my generally honest (and sometimes accidentally honest) wife says this:
“Yes- I AM pickier than ever. You’re a fantastic lover and our sex has never been better. I’m happy at home. And look at how you look now. If I can’t find better than that, then why would I bother?”

I responded by saying, “I don’t work in that mindset at all. I’m not looking for ‘better’ or ‘hotter’ or any comparative quality at all in this. Just variety for its own sake, and group sex that I love, and seeing you spread your wings. I could give a fuck if she’s this or that compared to you. It literally doesn’t register with me.”

She changed the subject.

I know she meant it as a compliment, but I’m a subtext reader in the extreme. Does it really work that way for the ladies? “At least as good as what I have at home and ideally better than what I have at home?”
That mindset kinda freaks me out a bit. Im no MRA dude, but I do understand and ascribe to hypergamy as an underlying current in female sexuality. Im ok with it. It’s fine. We are all instinctive animals at our core, with only a layer of conscious agency on top. I get it. Cool.

But the idea that my wife is subconsciously doing this as part of the LS got me in the guts a little.
Also, it’s really drying up opportunities. We get hit up on all the time now from couples we would’ve gotten with in a heartbeat, but now she’s not into them. Not good enough.
Is this typical? Am I missing something?

(Yes, she’s still into the LS. This ain’t a tactic to get out. She pretty upfront that way.)