I'll preface this with this is as I view this as a me prorblem and I am fully prepared to be called out if that's indeed the case.

My (M) partner (F) and I have been in the lifestyle for a little while now. Our experience so far have been solely interactions with other couples and a few singles as a couple in private environmens. Our rules have been same room, both involved or not at all. There is one particular couple we have become very friendly with and have developed a good communicative relationship with.

Recently we went to our first organised party on recommendation/invite from this couple. As the night progressed, my partner (F) and the male half of our friends decided they wanted to play. Initially both myself and the F half of the couple were consenting. 10 or so minutes later I asked the woman of the couple if she wanted to go join and she wasn't interested and wanted to keep dancing. Obviously that's cool, not gonna push that agenda any further never gonna ask more than once.

I went off to try and socialise but because of the nature of the event (a rave) where I'm typically not socially comfortable, I found it really hard to connect with anyone else and felt like a fish out of water/left out and undesirable which led to some spiralling negative emotions.

As above until this event my partner and I have only played together with the exception of a once off when my partner gave me the blessing to have sex with someone in another town while I was away. Ultimately I didn't enjoy that experience and its not something I have pursued since.

We joked/blasè discussed into the leadup to the party about solo play and I thought to myself that I would be okay with it. But as soon as she was getting some and I wasn't, I felt wasn't okay with it and had those negative emotions of feeling undesirable etc. Once they were done, I asked to leave.

We are a full swap couple but everyone has always been involved and in the same room per our rules i.e. it's a swap not a one gets some and not the other. I feel like in that environment where she's right there I'm not okay with it, but if she was away in another city (like I was) I would be okay with?

A. Have I had an unreasonable response and am I being a jerk B. My partner and I discussed it diligently and have reaffirmed our rule of both play or neither play I.e. swaps/4somes. Will this kind of rule be prohibitive in a party environment? C. Any other advice