Dear Abby, should i be upset with anyone else but me?

I'm happily married and we went to a lifestyle resort earlier in the year for the first time, it was awesome. Once we got home we found a local place that has paid membership for the lifestyle and went, it was epic as we had a room in the playroom area and put on a show for offers to watch, exbistionist. We wanted to go back again and adventure. This past weekend we went and ended chatting up a couple at the bar. At face value he looked similar to me and his girlfriend had a pretty face, however I couldn't see her body in full. After an hour, we then all agreed to go the playroom to just share the bed, no swapping. While we waited for the room to be open and cleaned, the anticipation and excitement was boiling. As we go into the room and close the curtain, we all start to take clothes off, the other guy asked if we wanted to swap. i was shocked as I hadn't predicted this to be an option, so quickly I said yes because it sounded like a great idea and my wife and i had talked about it several times. Full disclosure, my wife had the ability to say no the entire time, I do not control her and she didn't say no, so we proceed.... The other guy starts undressing my wife and they begin f#cking. His woman just stands still and i start undressing her, start kissing too. This is very important as i had not taken a good look at her and when the clothes came off i was turned off, she wasn't attractive to me. I couldn't perform because I couldn't get hard having no attraction, she tried a BJ for a few minutes and no luck. My wife meanwhile is getting f$cked, eating out, etc... thankfully I noticed he was very respectful and asked permission. Watching this for me this was super uncomfortable at this point, she's getting some and I'm choking not able to do anything and can only live in disappointment...but i know that we made a choice and i didn't want to ruin it for her. After a few minutes we had an opportunity to exit the situation and we left the couple in the room to keep going. I told my wife on the way out what happened and that I hated it. On the way way home I shared that the other woman wasn't attractive and it was totally my fault on what happened and it sucked. My wife said that she saw my face and noticed i wasn't having a good time. It made for an awkward drive home but it was mostly silent as I had to let my my mind process it. After years of marriage, sometimes being quiet is the best initial reaction. We got home and had a late night, neither of us could sleep and we had alot of silence. After a few hours, around 430am we laid together and had amazing sex.

Fast forward a couple days, we're both good and not mad at each other and i still take responsibility as i should have checked out the other woman better before saying yes, hard lesson learned. Since this happened I've been asking myself many times why the f#ck did i not look at the other woman better, she had a pretty face but was wearing dark clothing that didn't show what her body looked like which would have made my decision to swap a hard No. The night would have been much more enjoyable just sharing a bed, not swapping. Since we've gotten home we have been totally honest with each other and my wife agreed the other woman was not my type. My wife didn't enjoy most of it because she saw i was not enjoying myself, and this is first new d!ck she's had in over a decade which made it different. Oddly we've had more sex since we've been home in the last two days than compared to the last two months, it's been great.

We don't want this to ruin us learning the lifestyle and do not want to void this club, so we've talked about it and plan on going back with agreement that next time we only look for a unicorn or two females, but attraction must be present.

Here is why I'm writing this... I'm trying to understand why I'm not pissed off that I had to watch my wife get f$cked by another guy. I feel no resentment towards my wife, fully trust her and that she is sharing the truth. I do feel resentment on myself for saying yes when the other woman wasn't my type, who didn't i open my eye better!!!???? I had gotten excited to the offer of swapping and in the moment jumped too quick without analyzing the situation. Im more pissed that I didn't get to have fun and left me a sour taste for the first swap, not ideal.

So again, dear Abby, should i be upset with anyone else but myself?

Hoping to make the next experience memorable and favorable that we both cum out with enjoyment.