My husband and I have been swingers/open for close to a decade now (we’re in our early 30s) with a mix of swinging, threesomes, hot wife, and hot husband play. We took a 3 year break to start a family and I was dealing with some health issues that I finally got a handle on and recently started playing again a couple months ago.

It’s fun, I’m enjoying it, and I definitely missed it…but it just isn’t the same for me. I’m great until the sex part and then I just start feeling ambivalent during the act. I don’t hate the experiences but I’m not super enjoying them either. It’s not the other people or anything, they’re great. It’s me. I start feeling guilty about taking the time for ourselves away from our toddler, and I just find myself missing him even though I know we need to also have time for us and our hobbies.

It culminated today when I tried to play on my own for the first time in years and it was just…average. I got some pictures of my husband and toddler together at the zoo right after being done, and I just starting tearing up and feeling so incredibly guilty and sad. I would have rather been there with them. I think it hit me harder because I was alone when normally my husband is there to kind of distract me about it and tell me it’s okay.

I’m sorry this post probably toes the line of appropriateness for the swinging subreddit since it involves some hotwife stuff, but I feel like there’s a greater number of women here who might give some guidance and it’s happened in couple swaps too. Is this just a postpartum thing, should I keep trying and eventually will be able to work through it, or am I just not ready?! Is this just normal mom guilt sneaking its way into this particular hobby which happens to involve sex with other people?