My husband and I have been in the swinger world for a little over a year now. Before that we were doing MMF/MFM threesomes (not often, maybe 2-3x a year) for about three years. He and I have had anal sex regularly since the very beginning of our relationship. He always says it’s one of the reasons why he married me. I have mentioned in the past that I wanted to keep that one thing just for us and he had felt the same way in the beginning as well, although since then he has asked me to do it with two other men and I went ahead at his request.

The other night we started talking about it and he said that if it was ever offered to him by another woman he wanted to do it. It turned into a long drawn out argument. I believe there are negotiable boundaries (like this one) and nonnegotiable ones (like condoms). My stance was that it’s special to me and I would like that to be the one thing that only I can offer him, at least for now, but I will try and open up to it. His stance is that it’s his fetish and he shouldn’t have to decline if it’s offered.

I understand the fact that it’s not something that women often do in the swinging scene as it requires preparation and trust so chances are I may never have to worry about it, but in the off chance it was ever offered I’d really prefer he didn’t. In the end I was basically left feeling like he’s going to do whatever he wants. I feel like I’m not allowed to have boundaries and nothing I say matters because I’ve already done “everything I wanted to do” even though he was always the one asking for those things.

I’d also like to add that when we were just playing with men he imposed a no kissing rule that I complied with totally without question. He said it was too intimate, but that rule ironically went out the window when we started playing with couples. When I said anal was too intimate he argued that it wasn’t and then started oddly disparaging women who are willing to do it.

Am I wrong to ask for this boundary? Do y’all have anything you reserve just for your spouse or partner?

TL;DR: I don’t feel ready for my husband to do anal with other women and when we talked about it my feelings on the topic were totally dismissed.