When I (44F) go to the local swingers club, I often get kissed and groped by women without consent. I also get a lot of people who assume that because we are chatting, I’ll want to play, touch them or let them touch me.

However, just because we are at a swingers club, it doesn’t mean I or anyone else is free reign. I still have standards. Im not automatically attracted to someone just bc they’re at the club. (In fact, I have yet to be attracted to anyone at the club…)

And if I’m not attracted to you, I’m not going to want to play.

Is this abnormal? I feel like most people at the club just expect to play and don’t really care who it is. They always seem surprised when I say I don’t want to play with them.

It’s almost like everyone else there will say yes to anyone. And I often feel guilty or bad that I’m not up for just anyone, like they are. But I just see it like dating kinda—just bc we went on a date doesn’t mean that I like you or want to fuck you; Just because we are at a swingers club it doesn’t mean I want to swing with you.

Am I the outlier here? I’m starting to feel like I don’t belong at swingers clubs.