My wife (49f) and I (49m) have only dipped our toes into the LS. She was hesitant and couldn’t really explain why. We fantasized about it together and it spiced up our sex life.

Then, while on a beach vacation, she suggested trying an LS club. I was shocked! After some awkward socializing, we had a great time watching others. Then we joined in and soft swapped with two couples. I was in ecstasy.

I anticipated great reclamation sex that night, but she was a bit distant and felt like she had to shower extensively because she felt dirty. It took a few days for her to discuss it, but she seemed OK. That was over a month ago.

For the last year, I had been talking about the LS and how my thoughts on monogamy had changed. We had both talked about how we thought our marriage was much stronger lately and we would be able to work through infidelity. 10 years ago would have been a different story.

I picked up on some discomfort from her during those talks. Yesterday, we were talking and I asked her directly if she had ever been unfaithful. She admitted she had once, 4 years ago—with someone I was worried she was too close to. He’s a super nice guy and treats her well. The kind of guy that she would respect and connect with.

She was ashamed and hated herself for hurting me. She said she felt hypocritical for being resistant to the LS and ENM, since she had cheated on me. But she thought some of her guilt and shame factored into that.

I always thought I’d be destroyed in this scenario, but I’m not. I’m upset. I’m incredibly disappointed that she cheated and lied to me for years (I had asked her a few other times and she wasn’t ready to admit it). I have moments where my chest feels tight and my stomach is in a knot. But I haven’t cried or yelled. I told her I had moments where I wanted the same thing. I even went to a bar once and hoped to find someone.

But I think (and my wife agrees) the big thing is how reading about ENM and our experiment with the LS have changed my mindset. I see how we can have sex with other people but still love each other and keep our relationship special. She still violated my trust and has to earn it back, but I believe she won’t do this again. In fact, knowing we have a choice to swing, or maybe hotwife, etc. may give us both an ethical outlet.

Anyone else have a similar experience of the LS helping recover from infidelity? Am I being naive?

TL:DR After a year of taking about the LS, then soft swapping, my wife admitted a one-time affair from 4 years ago. I’m not mad or jealous. We are both still in love with each other. I think the LS/ENM helped a lot.