Ok so I know the general rule of thumb is always play to the level of the most reserved person in the couple/group. However I think we have a fairly unique dynamic and I am not sure how to best address.

My partner and I are new to the lifestyle together, but I have had some off and on experience prior to our relationship. And while we are in a committed serious relationship now it was not expected at the outset, which creates this sort of strange dynamic.

We met years ago and we’re sort of friends through mutual friends, but she was a lesbian. She divorced her long time wife who she was monogamous with 3 years ago and we started hanging out as friends again after I moved back to the area.

After realizing we were both interested in each other I became the first man she slept with in nearly 15 years. Since then and In getting to know each other we realized that we were both interested in the lifestyle.

Fast forward to our recent first couple experiences and our initial experience together was a party where we slept together in front of people, there was some soft swapping, and she played with another woman.

The second time we met a couple we liked from the party out individually. And has discussed before hand that we would see where things led because she still hasn’t slept with another man, but was interested. So things got heated and we swapped, but in our talks since then she is not interested for now in sleeping with other men. She still wants to ply as a couple, still enjoys soft swap foreplay activities but isn’t comfortable being fucked by another man.

That rule set is completely fine with me, as I find the foreplay part to generally be the most exciting part of playtime anyway. Actual sex is great, but i don’t need it to be fulfilled if those boundaries are there. The twist lies in that she gets extremely turned on watching me fuck another woman, and she doesn’t want me to not full swap.

I don’t want to establish an “unfair” dynamic with other couples, and I certainly don’t want her to do things she is uncomfortable with.

I’m just curious if anyone else has encountered a similar dynamic and if so how you progressed through it.