I know there's a LOT of hate for people whi only swing one way or the other, (i.e wife poachers, etc) but I've experienced swinging, and my husband has not.

With that in mind, I have tried to reach out to and meet up with people who might share the same thoughts but it devolves to the man wanting to fuck around and the wife being 100% not interested/cold shoulder about being anywhere near him. It's super frustrating for us because we are 100% up front about what we're looking for and we get gaslit and lied to, then made to feel like assholes for liking/ disliking what we do.

Is there any way to weed this out better? Or to shut down this kinda thing before it gets to the meet up?

(I took a several year break from swinging and the responses from some people are so infuriating and disheartening. We're not asking to never full swap, he just has no experience with it and wants to see how things are before we full swap, which shouldn't be such a terrible thing but somehow he's treated like he's the devil himself and he's manipulating me into this. I was with someone previously who essentially prostituted me out so he could fuck around. This is NOT what my husband/I are doing.)

I really don't understand why it's so hard to get together with people on the same page. It's not a new dynamic/situation and it certainly isn't thst wild an idea..

[Constructive criticism or helpful advice is welcome, but bashing us for it is not helpful or necessary, so please be kind. I want him to feel comfortable and free in the community.] And I understand what we're into isn't everyone's cup of tea.