She married me for a reason!

Would love to check in with you as I make these changes, thanks so much!

Thank you so much, I know I am and she came off harsh. I need to do it for me AND us AND all the other things. Not let it limit us anymore

That’s where she is, she doesn’t want to be limited by my weight and she is blaming that as why we haven’t found great swinging partners. She is CONSTANTLY pursued by men and loves the attention. She is frustrated that their wives don’t want to play with us because of me.

So we are going to address the weight and hopefully that is the only thing holding us back.

Otherwise - as she put it, it’s and open relationship or a divorce.

I’m most likely going to lose my marriage. That sucks super bad when I am very in love with her.

I can’t give her an open marriage, but I can fight for the things she wants because really they’re in my best interest too. If I lose the weight and our sex life improves then we actually win. If I lose the weight and she still leaves, we’ll I lose the marriage but win better health?

The part that is injured is mental health and I believe that I have to capacity to forgive her. I think she still has the capacity to believe in me and us.

Please do! I got through day 1 with logging my food to My Fitness Pal - I’m about to go take a 1.5 mile walk with the dog and my wife. Slow is smooth and smooth is fast

I hear you, I guess that I feel like that would exacerbate her frustrations rather than “put her in her place”.

I choose to fight for my marriage rather than disparage her feelings. If it ends, well, I can sleep at night knowing I tried and gave my all.

Unfortunately and fortunately she is gorgeous, I’m a very lucky dude in that regard.

I don’t think I am, I think she’s gorgeous and she get attention from men so that makes sense that she is attractive.

I have worked very hard to be firm on boundaries and compromise as much as I possibly can without betraying myself.

Am I supposed to do something else?

I just think that we all deserve some grace when we are frustrated and up against what we think is an immovable object (insert fat joke here). I love her to death and want to compromise and find what makes us all happy

Thank you, I was just raised to not quit things. I don’t want to start over after 10 years and so I’m willing to fight for this. Either way things end up the weight has to go so that side will work out no matter what

I appreciate your view, she is honestly a great person - we’ve overcome so much together and I know one of her faults is when she gets frustrated she explodes.

This was mostly about her bottle breaking and she was not nice about it. I understand what she was saying, I choose to give her grace for the delivery, and while I don’t agree with the “Open relationship or divorce” I am working on our agreed option C - lose the weight to make all aspects better.

She made a post yesterday called “Super Fuckable Wife - Super UnFuckable Husband”

We have been seeing a couples therapist for ~3 months now, it has drastically improved our communication and parenting skills. I 100% agree that therapy is a god send. I’m sure we will talk about this with her at the next session

She didn’t want to tell our therapist that, I think I know her reasons (I know the therapists advice would mirror a lot of what’s said here- stop seeking outside validation, delete the apps, focus on your marriage) and she doesn’t want to hear that.

I hope we ultimately get to Reddit’s and our therapists advice - and I can totally give her consistent and active effort on my health until we do.

She bounces between 260-280 lbs. I think that’s a size 22? I could be wrong.

Honestly, I’ve tried to explain in the nicest way possible another comment (before we even came here) that a ton of these guys that reach out either are picture hunters or men who are just looking for sex. That all the flirty messages and telling her she is perfect is fun and I’m glad she loves that but it’s not something that should replace when I tell her “I love that dress on you” or “Wow your makeup looks good today”.

I play a little guitar, I thought it would get me girls when I was 15 lmao.

Now it’s just an odd collection of Coheed and Cambria songs (my favorite band), and some love songs, plus the cursed song that I can play

I appreciate and agree, how do I weigh that against her frustrations with me since we have been less successful in the LS lately. And her frustration with my weight?

At this point we have agreed to pause any open situation for 6 months while I work on my weight. If she sees dedication and progress we pause it indefinitely as it should be a rapidly disappearing issue

I appreciate that prospective, I know she told me she feels defeated after being ghosted by a few couples we actually chatted well with. We have been together for 10 years and I have never really had my weight be under control, so it’s time to put up or shut up.

I’m sure we will face bottle necks but I think it’s be easier to say “that’s on them” when I’m not traditionally unattractive (I think I’m really awesome, just saying I wouldn’t get a ton of swipes if you know what I mean)

We have a membership to Planet Fitness and I will be mixing in weights / gym days. Today was just a walk and we will go bowling later

Love the offer and I will take you up on it! We are both plus sized so very similar to you

That’s all I want is to move forward from this to something better. Am I hurt, yeah. Does it do any good lashing out absolutely not. I care for her and her happiness, I just want to be able to live with myself AND make her happy.

I hope that making dedicated steps on my health gives her hope and patience, from there we will heal and be better for it.

God it has been a ride getting past that guilt!

Thank you for the hug, this sub and people like you have been really amazing to us both!

I’m going to have a convo with her (my doc is female) about ozempic. We have a friend on it and he has had great results but battles bad nausea

Thank you! I will

I am blessed with a very very good job, yes. I’d like to believe that my value is way more than that to her and to everyone else too.

My wife posted “Super Fuckable Wife - Super UnFuckable Husband” 2 days ago. There is a link in the comments here

Thank you for your advice. Your assumption is spot on.

Yes I am, thank you for the well wishes

I didn’t use a throw away because this is very real. We’ve been together for 10 years.

I do really wish it was a troll post

It’s not positive, at all. I’m emotionally destroyed man, the woman I love told me that I wasn’t enough for her (paraphrasing). I also know she says really hurtful things when she is frustrated and comes back when she has calmed down and apologizes.

For 10 years she has loved me in spite of my weight, so I think I can give her some credit for that. I think I can forgive her for the hurtful words, forgive her for the post, because at the end of the day I love this woman and I love our life together.

I totally agree, my wife is also my world and nothing comes between that.

She is telling me that she is poly sexual (idk if this is a real term) meaning just that she wants multiple partners but one relationship (not polyamory).

My weight limiting her access to other partners WE can play with is what frustrated her to make the post.

She actually really loves elephants, we even on a whim went out and got Tattoos together one night. Hers is a cute little elephant :)

She wasn’t kind, and she apologized to me for that and in her update. I am personally working on giving grace, especially when I need some in return.

That’s really super kind of you, she really is an awesome person this is just frustrated and while I am hurt by how she said it I don’t think she is wrong to be frustrated.

I don’t agree with the ultimatum and I can’t give her the open marriage. But beyond that I would give her anything I could. She makes me laugh and cry and all the things, and I do the same for her.

We will see how each day goes and hopefully it just gets better from here

I worked in a call center a long time ago and it killed my appreciation for sound in general lol. I listen to music with the wife, but if it’s just me I prefer silence

Lol I used to be really into music, just kept the username :)

Amen, thank you for the support!

Thank you!