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Preface: this post is NOT meant to disrespect any demographic of LS folks, or seem ageist. We love ALL đ folks!
So my (40) wife (39) and I often match with people in their 50âs on the apps. Never been an issue with us as my wifeâs always appreciated attractive salt & pepper gentlemen (Clooney vibes all day long), and I seem to be a bit of a cougar magnet đ¤ˇââď¸; not to mention there just seem to be MORE swingers in this age range in general in our area.
We recently connected with an experienced (10 years) LS couple on SLS in their early 50âs, and have been really hitting it off over multiple dates. Boundaries came up early on in the get-to-know you phase and we laid out ours up front (safe play being one). The fact they asked was super encouraging! All good stuff.
Well, we end up having a spontaneous play session at their house one evening on a whim due to schedules aligning and, to my surprise, the hubs had NO condoms. I always bring a bunch.. no biggie. We chalked it up to us dropping in on short notice. The (safe) group sex was GREAT.
Fast forward to today. Weâre lining up some Memorial Day fun with them, and my wife (who does our corresponding for the most part) playfully reminds the hubs in a group chat to grab some condoms when he can. Hereâs where it gets interesting.
His response was less than enthusiastic, including an eye roll emoji. INSTANT trigger for my wife, but she kept it cool made a point to lay out the fact that disregarding boundaries was a turn off for her. (Incidentally, STD/STI exposure aside.. sheâs not on Birth Control). In the span of 15 minutes the weekend implodes, and the other wife somewhat defends her husband as ânot being a big fan of themâ⌠took us totally by surprise.
My wife (rightfully) feels that when a woman asks you to grab condoms so she can fuck your brains out .. any response other than âyes maâamâ is an instant turn-off.
So, she politely broke it off with them both individually. Which honestly bummed us both out as weâd been talking for months now. In addition, to our surprise they wished us well; so now weâre stuck trying to process all of it.
So I have to ask, after reading articles about how RAMPANT STDs are running in 55-and-up communities, is this just a generational thing?!
Weâre about as sex positive as it gets, but these are EXPERIENCED swingers who are still playing with others on occasion (presumably bare?!) as well. Testing wasnât discussed.
All insights are appreciated; and thanks for the perspective as always r/swingers!
I adore my wife. She didnât blink.. just dropped the hammer. Just frustrating as we thought they got it, I suppose
Appreciate this take! Weâve never been to a resort, but would have taken the exact approach. Hate that it has to cause these âfrictionalâ moments where youâre snapped out of sexy-time mindset into âkeep your guard upâ mentality IN THE MOMENT ya know?
Boundaries shouldnât have to be reiterated multiple times. If someone canât listen well enough to process it early on, or doesnât care to⌠onto the next.
This. Heck, Iâm 40 and use it recreationally for lifestyle stuff.
As someone who enjoys (true) amateur lifestyle content on Reddit (not to be confused with collaborated OnlyFans content). I second your Willy Nilly thoughts. I want to believe everyoneâs producing test results in all these bareback videos, and such .. but ⌠đ¤ˇââď¸
Im very well aware condoms are not the be all end all.. and As a numbers guy, I appreciate data. So thank you. As the husband of a wife whoâs unable to go on BC and could still get knocked up.. I donât give a shit.. no glove, no love.
The hubs asked EARLY, and my wife outlined our boundaries. So either he didnât listen, or didnât care.. both are egregious in our book
Ironically, I was referring to this Forbes report which used CDCâs STI surveillance report:
Sending good wishes to your friend. They just extended the HPV vaccine age to 47. Iâm seriously contemplating it because.. why not?
Appreciate this! I have a bet going with my wife heâll reach back out at some point trying to play it off as no big deal; or that it was blown out of proportion. She negotiates with our kids everyday, she shouldnât have to deal with a hissy fit from a 52 year old guy whom sheâs considering giving the keys to her sexual kingdom.
Could be skewed more âelderlyâ Vs early 50-somethings .. but đ¤ˇââď¸ .. equally important to this situation with us was the fact they also knew my wife wasnât on BC. Not about to roll the dice for a play session.
Cheers to this (and hilariously well said!). Make no qualms, this is NOT an âI love condomsâ post. And agreed, so much nonchalance floating around. What bothers me the most, and itâs already shown up in the comments, is how being concerned about this makes us âparanoidâ.. her pussy, her rules.
đŻ never a consolation when you get to have Sex with each other!
Purely polling the audience here. Thanks for your take on it đ
We are in this boat. We are content creators on OF. Most of our videos are bareback because everyone is recently AND frequently tested with swabs. We are also on PrEP to prevent HIV. While the data are still emerging from clinical trials, we are also on something called âdoxy-PEPâ where we take 200mg of doxycycline within a day of unprotected sex since it reduces the occurrence of STIs by two thirds. We donât use condoms with other content creators. When we play recreationally in the lifestyle, it is a different story but will go bareback with people who clear the same bar as other content creators.,
Who knew putting a camera in the corner could change the terms of play so dramatically
To be clear.. Itâs the first time weâve ever gotten PUSHBACK from a couple on wanting to use protection. Weâre hardly veterans .. so slightly limited data set, sure.. but tallying the comments so far..
An honest conversation with your general physician requesting it. If your GP wonât entertain the idea, there are endless online pharmacies now that will gladly write a scrip with a brief consultation period.
I wonder if this is spurred from Socioeconomic forces, Social welfare programs for unwanted pregnancies (or lackthereof), sex education .. etc. Unbridled Bareback sex = backlash to colonial American Puritanism? Rabbit hole ⌠for sure
To each their own, which is thematic for this post I suppose .. but With all due respect, if a guy canât stay hard .. what are they doing as part of your stable of âstudsâ ⌠wouldnât the Hotwifeâs pleasure be more important than which guy can / canât orgasm?
This read a little confusingly. So condoms mandatory is a no go for you guys?
Keep in mind the CDC does NOT recommend asymptomatic screening of HSV1/2 as the test result is almost always uninterpretable. The test looks for the presence of antibodies. No antibodies just means a lack of exposure. It is not measuring recent exposure where antibodies may not have been made in sufficient quantities to be detected on an assay. Presence of antibodies just means prior exposure and does not differentiate genital vs oropharangeal HSV infection.
We are in this boat. We are content creators on OF. Most of our videos are bareback because everyone is recently AND frequently tested with swabs. We are also on PrEP to prevent HIV. While the data are still emerging from clinical trials, we are also on something called âdoxy-PEPâ where we take 200mg of doxycycline within a day of unprotected sex since it reduces the occurrence of STIs by two thirds. We donât use condoms with other content creators. When we play recreationally in the lifestyle, it is a different story but will go bareback with people who clear the same bar as other content creators.,
Who knew putting a camera in the corner could change the terms of play so dramatically
What upset my wife the most was the pushback. Awesome Women (like you) have every right to set the tone in swinging. Zero patience for a hubs throwing a hissy fit about being asked to wear protection.
Words to live by! (Youâre a knockout btw!)
Right?! Iâm not here to judge those who donât use them when swinging (despite some replies seeming to think Iâm doing so), itâs more the fact that .. if my wife wants condoms .. itâs her way or the highway
Right back at you!! Spot on about the âcircle of trust thingâ and I know some swingers evolve to a trusted group and adopt that practice.. but weâre not there with ANYONE yet. Diseases aside, Until my wifeâs zero pregnancy risk, (and even subsequently, realistically) itâs a non starter for us.
Who knew putting a camera in the corner could change the terms of play so dramatically
Incredibly valid point. Assuming swingers have the same exposure rate (sex) as the vanilla world is probably false perspective!
Spot on. No one WANTS to wear them, but peace of mind is everything to us. Mind if I message you directly? Couple questions about the HPV series.
Good luck and Keep us posted! Weâre planning our first trip as well
Jeez. Having to âpersuadeâ potential play partners on boundaries sounds like a red flag for sure. Did you meet them off apps? At a club?
SLS & SDC are the two sites/apps we use the most. Some also use Kasidie & Feeeld
Thank you for this. Most definitely going to check out that Documentary, out of pure intrigue.
This is Invaluable advice. Thank you princesskittyglitter !
We are in this boat. We are content creators on OF. Most of our videos are bareback because everyone is recently AND frequently tested with swabs. We are also on PrEP to prevent HIV. While the data are still emerging from clinical trials, we are also on something called âdoxy-PEPâ where we take 200mg of doxycycline within a day of unprotected sex since it reduces the occurrence of STIs by two thirds. We donât use condoms with other content creators. When we play recreationally in the lifestyle, it is a different story but will go bareback with people who clear the same bar as other content creators.,
Who knew putting a camera in the corner could change the terms of play so dramatically
Gearing up for our first club trip. I was debating whether to bring my own condoms Vs the âhouse offeringsâ Appreciate this perspective
Different strokes for different folks indeed. Nice to hear youâre appreciative of boundaries!
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Appreciate the perspective! If we were both sterile, it might have made more sense to us.. but, no clue why that just seemed to be an afterthought or worse, inconvenience, to him/them.