My husband (33M) and I (32F) have been exploring the Lifestyle for a few months, but are still pretty new to swapping. We belong to an amazingly inclusive club where everyone is very welcoming and we have made some great connections.

We have had MFM threesomes with no issues, but during our first hard swap last week my husband couldn't get it up. He enthusiastically participated in everything else with the other woman, but just couldn't get hard. He used our code word to mean take a short break so he could tell me, and we ended up shortly swapping back so he could pretend to finish with me.

I told him that I've heard this is pretty common when first starting out, but we are going back out tonight with tentative plans to swap and he is very nervous and anxious (which won't help). I suggested he have a drink beforehand or smoke a little to help relax him.

Would anyone have any tips, or even just words of encouragement for him? I'm trying to be as supportive as I can, but he also feels guilty and I'm not sure what else to say.