Hi there,

Just an observation about how difficult it is to actually find a nice, decent guy to help my wife have her first MFM. We've been looking for 7-8 months by interacting with the usual apps, including 3fun as well as several posts here on Reddit.

She is extremely cute and a complete newbie to this. We have attended a local swingers club twice (Privata) and really like it and are starting to make it a regular thing that we do. We're not looking to randomly hook up there however, but even there, no guys flirt with her, etc. Everyone seems very stand offish.

Let me preface that she is smoking cute, 5-1, 120lbs, late 40s MILF. Everyone comments about how great she looks.

She and I were interested in finding a really nice, educated, decent, polite and relatively attractive guy who can become a regular friend of ours for the times we all might want to mess around. She wants to meet a few times first though and chat (live and text) to establish a rapport before moving forward to anything spicier. Developing that friendship.

I've had countless guys reach out initially. In whittling them down, we're finding that practically all of them chat a few paragraphs and then just ghost away. Even though THEY reach out and express their intense interest, none really act like they want to move forward in even chatting much. We met one guy for a drink and that went great and he was super interested, but would not continue chatting after. When I asked him, he's like "Oh I'm not a chatter or texter, let's just book a room". When we said "well let's chat more and get to know each other, flirt, etc." His view at that point was "Oh well maybe I'm not a good fit for you guys." Really?

I'm quite surprised at how many men express an interest, but then don't put any effort into actually wanting to develop a rapport with what could evolve into an amazingly erotic ongoing situation. I always thought that trying to find another female for a couple would be the most difficult thing, and finding a guy would be a breeze.

I'm learning that finding a guy is proving to be extremely difficult too. Granted we are not "go-fast and meet and go to a hotel in the first 10 minutes" kind of people and maybe that's the difference. Maybe most of them just want that and once they sense we want to get to know them better they just blow off the effort. All of our posts have been quite clear about what we are looking for though in this way.

Just my observations on the matter, which I'm quite surprised about.