I brought up the idea of trying swinging with my partner as being watched and soft swaps with other people have always been a fantasy I had. While it was less of an intrinsic kink for him, he thought it was hot and we've started doing the emotional work of figuring out our wants and boundaries.

The issue I've run into is I can't stop feeling guilty. In particular for wanting other people, and especially when I develop little crushes on people. My partner and I have fully discussed this, he understands, we have established boundaries, and we haven't even done anything yet. But my brain keeps telling me I'm a monster for wanting these things. It doesn't help that I'm Obsessive Compulsive and tend to equate thoughts with actions. Has anyone experienced this? Any advice?