Backstory first, skip ahead for the tl;dr.

Backstory -

IYKYK my partner, and I have taken steps into the lifestyle over the past two years. So far we have really enjoyed ourselves and have found a new kink together, (public exhibitionism, omg). After our first lifestyle event, our sex drives were in overload. We fantasized about doing things we never imagined before (as swingers, being in an ENM, etc). In our normal routine our sex life is great, minus the normal stresses of life and being an adult. we have only attended 2 lifestyle events. However, I had the amazing opportunity to experience my personal third lifestyle event. everything we have experienced collectively has excited us to explore this new hobby of ours. Both of us have been faithful to each other and have not open ourselves to other partners, however we loved having fun with multiple people around us. Doing more is where the hesitancy is. Both of us are still trying to understand all this info while fighting our life-long notion of being a traditional monogamous couple. My partner still feels like she might not be enough for me if we continue, like i might leave her, regardless how much i tell her I want to explore this with her. I’m only in this with her.

Lately, however, we have both gotten cold feet in continuing our journey. My partner has bailed on the last two lifestyle events we have had the opportunity to explore. Keep in mind, we have a family together and finding free time to explore this side of our interest is hard to come by. so when we bail on any singular event, it really sucks. Especially since i personally get into the mindset and start getting excited to experience this new scene. she gets too nervous, and I realize we should bail on our plans because she isn’t in the right mindset. I have always been a driving force (with consent) with helping us explore the kinky side in our relationship. My partner is very shy, and we have only been with each other. I take this responsibility very seriously. Lately we have been discussing that our relationship dynamics might be due to her possibly being demisexual. We have never previously explored this possibility due to ignorance. I have always been the more social partner in the relationship. Thus, leading us into this lifestyle scene has fallen on me. Researching parties and initiating conversations with other couples at parties. So when i recognize her state of mind isn’t in the right place before a lifestyle event then I go into husband mode and take whatever steps she needs to relieve her nerves. Including cancelling.

Now, it was me who introduced, motivated and promoted the idea. I did so because through glimmers of my partners sexual ecstasy i realized she might like to partake in this lifestyle. And whatever she has experienced thus far has made her, self-admittedly, dripping wet. She was raised in a very sheltered home, and never able to explore her sexuality growing up. So when I find things that might turn her on, I like to suggest and explore them with her in the hopes of opening her kinky side further.

Lately, both of our nerves have gotten the best of us. We want to continue exploring, but we are hitting a wall in our ability to 1) attend parties, and 2) find opportunities with other people who understand our discretion, state in life, and who like the same things as us. We like the lifestyle party scenes, but our nerves (more so hers) go haywire leading up to an event. Leading us to bail.

I know we are both in the right state of mind to want this, however, we are also actively in the process of de-programming our mindset in how we viewed what our relationship is supposed to be due to our upbringing (monogamous). I feel like this is the main culprit of her hesitancy, and my cold feet going forward.

TL;DR - So my question to this community is: any advice on how to proceed? Any advice you can give to help her feel better or less nervous about continuing down this journey?

Any advice would be appreciated, feel free to dm, and thanks for reading this far.