Hi. My fiancé and I have been in the lifestyle for about a year and a half. We have yet to have a couple that has gone beyond a couple encounters due to lack of 4 way connection. One of us (it’s fairly balanced) usually doesn’t have great chemistry.

We recently met a couple where it feels like there is chemistry all around, in and out of bedroom. We really want to make this a long term thing with them.

Overall my fiancé (F) is pretty satisfied with the male half of the couple. However there are some things that could easily make things significantly better for her. His wife certainly likes to be fucked much different than my fiancé does and I picked up on that really quickly. However he seems to kind of want to fuck her the same way which can be uncomfortable at times. There are also some dom type things that she really enjoys - nothing too unusual but the type of stuff you respectfully wouldn’t do unless you knew it was okay (light choking, hair pulling, physical aggression).

My fiancé has communicated it somewhat to him in the moment- at least when he starts doing things she doesn’t like. She is also very submissive though and is not accustomed to using her words and is not very assertive. I’m very good at reading her non verbal cues so I can almost always pick up on things when it’s just us. But I don’t think he’s there yet.

How would it be perceived if I were to reach out to the male half directly via text to see if he was open to hearing about some of her less common preferences?

I did this and he seemed very open, so I let him know and prefaced it with how we’re all a great match and I wanted to make sure he would know about some less common things she preferred and acknowledging she is still working on voicing her preferences herself. I also added in some difference i noticed between his wife’s preferences compared to my fiancé.

I know ideally these things would be talked about beforehand in person but these two are somewhat inexperienced and also don’t appear to have the greatest communication skills.

I texted him a few days ago and after sending him a few short paragraphs (after he said he was open) I was met with radio silence.

Now I’m wondering if that was a bad idea? Did I make him feel self conscious? Piss him off? It’s been a couple days.