Luis and Monica also work at the same company as my wife, although in a different department. We naturally began to socialize with them at many events, and Luis has become like a friendly uncle to our kids, who adore him. They have also been supportive of our family during difficult times.

We noticed they had a difficult marriage, particularly in their sexual relationship, where Monica was growing seriously dissatisfied with her husband, Luis. My wife and I have a normal, happy sexual relationship. Monica, apparently, has an obsession with sexual romance, fueled by books and online fantasies, and my wife is open to her informal conversations on the subject. One night, Monica asked my wife about the possibility of us all having a date night at a hotel where we would watch each other's sexual activity with our partners. This idea excited her greatly. I told my wife I was concerned that their issues might affect us. However, because we have a deep, trusting relationship with them, we didn't oppose the idea outright, as we were also curious about the experience. We believed this would provide psychological safety for all of us.

We agreed to be respectful, open communication and equal participation. I specifically emphasized that I wanted to be included in all group conversations, especially since they all work together and I don't.

 Fast forward a few weeks, and Monica began constantly flirting with my wife through suggestive conversations, both face-to-face and via text messages, discussing the idea of group sex and other fantasies. Monica constantly shared her desires by sharing new ideas like lingerie and toys that she introduced to Luis, which improved their sexual activity. My wife tried to share her excitement with me when we got home, but I didn't feel the same level of energy or enthusiasm as they were experiencing. I noticed Monica increasingly teased my wife with more frequent and explicit suggestive language, almost constantly through days and nights. I expressed my concerns to my wife, and she promised to include me more often.

This escalated to Luis sharing a revealing photo with my wife - twice at work, without my knowledge, breaking our established ground rules. My involvement was minimized, making me feel excluded, and my request for inclusion was ignored.

This caused a major argument between my wife and me, and we decided to call off the whole idea. My wife briefly explained this to them, but they expressed some sympathies but neither Luis nor Monica has not acknowledged how their actions excluded me or apologized for the strain it put on my marriage. They are now acting as if nothing has happened afterwards, while I'm hurt and don't want to socialize with them, particularly Monica. My wife wants to move past it, but I'm struggling to do so. 

Given that this situation stemmed from their actions, fueled by Monica's initial dissatisfaction, and they haven't addressed the harm caused or the fact that they disregarded my explicit request for inclusion, am I overreacting by wanting to distance ourselves from them?  Our families are close, which makes this even more complicated.