I wanted to provide an update on my situation. My wife (39F) and I (41M) have had a lot to work through, and it feels like we’re at a crossroads. We’ve explored open dynamics in the past, including three different threesomes (20M, 26F, and 24M). While those experiences were incredible for her, I often had to put my own desires aside to ensure she had the best time possible.

The turning point came when she asked for a solo encounter with one of the previous partners. I wasn’t comfortable with it, but I agreed because she assured me it was something she needed to get out of her system and that it would bring us closer. Instead, the opposite happened—she ended things with me the next day in a text.

We eventually reconciled, but now she’s completely shut down any interest in MFM or FMF dynamics. What’s been harder is learning that about a week ago, she admitted to having contacted this guy behind my back. This revelation has only deepened my frustration and hurt.

On top of this:

We haven’t had any significant intimacy since all of this happened.

She has been uninterested in going to therapy despite me suggesting it and us agreeing multiple times.

I’ve done everything I can think of to support her, including paying for her to start HRT (hormone replacement therapy) and other treatments she suggested might help.

I’ve made significant efforts to focus on our relationship, but I’m not seeing the same effort from her. It feels like I’m carrying this relationship on my own, and I’m starting to feel like maybe I need to focus on myself and find Gratification else where for a while just regain my calm and mojo—before I can even begin to focus on "us."

My fear is that by stepping back to focus on myself, I’ll push us further apart. But at this point, I feel drained from putting in effort without receiving much in return.

For those who’ve been in similar situations:

How do you handle a partner who isn’t putting in effort to rebuild intimacy or trust?

At what point do you step back and focus on yourself? How do you navigate that without losing the relationship entirely?

Is there hope for rebuilding when one partner seems unwilling to meet halfway?

I’m at a loss and unsure of the best way forward. Any advice, particularly from wives who’ve faced similar challenges, would be deeply appreciated.