Hey, so, I need some perspectives and the topic is pretty complicated, I guess this post is going to be a long one. I hope you stick around and maybe you can help me. I will try to format the text to it is easy to read.

It was too long for reddit, so I split it up and shoved it into the comments ... hope still somebody bothers to read ...

1)      Our Experience

We started our journey into the lifestyle about a year ago. We discussed what we might like or not like and shared some fantasys. We started with rather sticked borders. We decided to always ask permission before playing with somebody. She made a rather large list of types of woman she wasn’t okay for me to play with. I could never pinpoint it as much and (like after our 3^rd club visit) decided she could just as well have anybody she liked, no need to ask permission from me. First club visit was Oct 23, my wife kissed another man, nothing else happened. It didn’t bother me in the slightest. We had fun just between us as well, and additionally the day after.

Dec 23 second visit we started with a soft swap with a couple (each of us kissing the respective other partner and the women kissing each other) that turned into a hard swap with mostly hard petting and a little bit of penetration. It didn’t bother me at all, especially since I got some of the action myself. The sex wasn’t very satisfining for either of us. We had fun just between us as well, and additionally the day after.

Mar 24 third visit we had a 3-some with a guy who fucked my wife while she sucked me and the other way around. The sex was decent. It didn’t bother me in the slightest. We also had a soft swap with a different couple, neither guy was able to get an erection, but we clicked very nicely with them. We have been in regular contact since. We had fun just between us as well, and additionally the day after.

Apr 24 fourth visit we had a 3-some with a guy, it went similar to the last one, but much longer (we took a 20min break after the 1^st round and got going a second time of fucking) the sex was much better, especially for my wife. I made the error of complimenting another womans butt one to many times, which pissed my wife off. It was the first visit my wife and I didn’t have sex alone in the club or the day after, just the 3-some that weekend. I felt a bit weird after that (see 4) below)

She asked about meeting the guy alone after that event, like in a hotel or something. She also asked if she would be allowed to have sex with a (any) guy in a club without me present.

May 24 we had a private meetup in a place I would call a sex-airBnB with the couple from the 3^rd visit. We fooled around in a lot of ways and had a lot of fun. The sex between the guy and my wife wasn’t particularly pleasurable for my wife, as was the sex I had with the woman. But we had fun none the less. It didn’t bother me in the slightest. We had additional sex the day after just between us.

We discussed about logistics with her meeting guys alone. The guys from our 3^rd and 4^th visit respectively proved to be not very reliable afterwards, so no further steps were taken.

Later in May 24 we went to a very large kinky party, where we met the same couple and then some. My wife made out with one guy, then we fooled around MMMFF with the couple and yet another guy. There wasn’t much sex, basically nobody got hard (the music was so f-in loud) It didn’t bother me in the slightest. We had sex the day after.

Jun 24 fifth visit. We had the fifth visit in a club. We met with the couple and it led to a 4-some in an open room. Another guy came in and I invited him to play with my wife. He joined the bed and had sex with both women. I didn’t have sex with the other woman that day, just fooling around together. My wife was very satisfied by the sex with the random guy. It was the first time she has had sex with a guy she didn’t know the name of. We all took showers and a break. The other couple wanted to play again a while later, but my wife didn’t want to. I felt weird and bothered at that point. She says, the guy from the couple just doesn’t cut it for her. We ended up having fun just the two of us, it was surprisingly good sex and the first time I was able to orgasm in a club. We also had additional fun the next day.

My wife is going to another kinky party alone this Friday. She intended to have sex there originally, but she has a smallish health problem atm and will refrain from it. She is looking forward to giving blowjobs though. We have other meetings with the couple planed and more visits to clubs in the upcoming months.

Between May and June I have been to 2 parties alone, both of which were LGBTQ events, since I wanted to try my bisexual side. There was also a meeting with a guy planed, but he bailed, so it never happened. On the kinky party I made out with the guys during the MMMFF, but on the parties I went to, not much happened. I touched and briefly sucked a dick on the second party, and I got touched by some guys and a woman. Overall the experiences were more on the frustrating side and I don’t plan to force more of that in the future. During the “regular” club visits, guy on guy action seems to be highly discouraged, while woman fooling around is just normal.

(continueing in the comments)