TL;DR: moved too fast and many red flags ignored, had a bad FFM threesome. any tips for working past this to continue to have swinging/threesome experiences?

this is a classic case of didn’t know any better and moved too fast.

i am the F in the relationship with the M. we had our first FFM threesome that went amazingly. we rushed into the second one - i was tired and didn’t want to be there but it felt like everyone else did so i went along with it (hindsight is 20/20 - i know this was wrong)

long story short, my partner was very involved with the other girl and i was feeling weird and ignored. i went to the bathroom to try to reset myself and when i came out, they were cuddling on the bed and neither looked up when i came back in the room. i saw red, grabbed my stuff and went to sit in the car at the hotel. no one called me or tried to find me while i was gone. later, i learned they kept having sex after i left.

needless to say, when i went back to the room, we had an argument, partially in front of the girl.

this was maybe in february. since then, we have had two more experiences FFM with a girl we really took the time to get to know and there was no penetration of her, most of the focus was on me.

id like to hear if anyone has any advice for moving past a bad experience. i feel like our experience in february is trapping me in fear. we have discussed more threesomes or swinging as it’s a big kink of both of ours, and addressed what we did wrong, but i still feel so triggered when i think about it and it’s making me dig my heels in about other experiences.