TLDR: Home for holidays and wayward wife all the sudden wants to reconcile.

TO BE CLEAR: R is not possible in our situation, I recognize that I will never trust her again so I am not willing to continue to try R.

I didn't know how bad the situation was originally and tried to R, and in the last 4-5 months or so I've just completely educated myself and this last month I’ve had a personal come to Jesus moment about what I want out of life.

This holiday season is rough. I am home trying to spend as much time with the kids as possible and every chance I have to see them made to feel like I am the one that walked out on the marriage, just because I’m not willing to put up with my wife’s BS anymore. My job is having me move from one side of the country to the other shortly after the holidays, so i’m stressed from that. Im worried that the time I’ve spent trying to R with my wife has ruined me emotionally and ruined my ability to trust people.

These past 3 weeks I’ve read several books including lose a cheater gain a life, some other books about positive vibes and outlooks. I guess I am trying to open myself up to the fact that life in the future is going to be really hard in the situation I’m in, with the custody sharing. My little 3 year old asked why daddy can’t sleep in bed with mommy and her anymore… it’s just a rough time. I felt like I was being threatened with another restraining order the last time I was home - my wife tried video taping me and provoking me while she video taped me but I didn’t bite off on it. Since then I’ve been staying with family when I visit.

After everything I’ve had to go through when I was trying to R, and my wife dragging me through the mud, she has now had a major epiphany and thinks I’m walking out on the marriage that she is so desperately trying to save. She has even gone as far as suggested that I’ve found another woman to be with, which I haven’t - kinda sick of being in a relationship right now and just want to be alone for a while.

What is something you say to keep a manipulator from escalating their tactics when you gray rock them? What cuts a narcissist ability to lie to you and gets through to them that you’re done and through and they just need to figure out how to play nice?