I hit the point for me that I can't let myself go past in terms of weight. My bmi is 61 and I am at a place where the skin on my stomach is so stretched that it physically hurts. It hurts to walk, it hurts to breathe, it hurts my mental health because I can't reach to scratch or move to get comfortable. I'm just done pretending I'm okay with my weight but I keep trying and trying to get started and get absolutely no where. Something between my "I'm gonna do this" and "I'm actually doing this" isn't working. I have no excuse honestly except that I am not pushing myself to change, but it feels like everything else should come first (and there's a lot of everything else going on in my world).

I did successfully switch from regular coke to diet, but it took me months and I have made up for the decline in liquid calories by, you guessed it, consuming more garbage calories.

Why? I know I'm in charge of everything that goes in my body, I am not stupid... I quit drinking, I quit smoking cigarettes over 2 years ago, and I quit smoking marijuana even, but I can't quit stuffing my face full of enough food for 3 people a day? It makes no sense to me why I can't be better about my diet. It's honestly the most important change I can make (I have a dead thyroid and am borderline type 2 diabetic, again, even after having had that under control for years and maintaining a normal A1c for well over 18 months).

I just came to gripe and post somewhere so maybe I would have some kind of accountability in this journey. I am over 400lbs this morning and have goal to lose 200lbs in the next couple years. I'm not in a rush over all, but I want the first 20 to go asap. I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of lumbering around, from bed to fridge to couch repeat most of the day because I'm out of breath from minimal steps. The stairs kill me, up or down, and I feel like I'm completely failing myself and my family who are watching me essentially eat myself to death ffs.

My solution to start; early to bed tonight, after I pre plan tomorrow's meals within a lower than bmr calorie range. Tomorrow when I get up, I am going to weigh myself, drink extra water, do some stretches and clean my room. I will be meal prepping chicken salad to eat on its own as well as chicken Caesar salad for dinner, and then I'm going to have a protein shake (low sugar) with some greens mixed in and take a walk. I have a 5000 step goal for the day, which I can do in 2km of actual walking (doable, I might have to break it up though, but I'm determined). When I go down town in the early afternoon, I can have a diet coke, but no other fast food purchases whatsoever. My wallet, belt and probably my heart will all thank me some day. (Also, today I drank 3 large diet cokes. That needs to go down to 1 medium because no one in the world needs 2 to 3 x 30oz diet soda every day...)

Anyways. If you've read this far, I'd love to hear your tips for someone just getting started who has a lot to lose? I'm prepared to work my ass off a little extra to lose the first 20lbs specifically, and I'm open to intermittent and slightly longer term fasting (I'm not a newbie to fasting) so feel free to share anything you've got. Don't hold back, I'm all rolls.

I mean ears 💀😅

Eta: almost 40, f, 401lb, 5'9" Also: I am in the next round of intake with the Obesity Medicine and Diabetes Institute in Coquitlam BC very soon, so they will have tons of resources. I'm just at the point where I can't wait another day to get myself started.