(16m)The worse my mental health gets the more drugs I want, I went 5 days sober and it drove me crazy, all I could think about is how shit life is I wish I could be better as a person I hate how socially awkward I am, I’m growing up in a cult I want to escape (jw) my parents force me to church 2 times a week they force me to preach on Saturdays and do bible study on Wednesdays and they act like I’m selfish for wanting my own life and whenever I say I don’t wanna do it anymore they bring up everything they do for me and tell me I have no reason to be sad and how I have such a good life end I just take it for granted, I hate that my dad has become disabled from a head injury at work I watched him nearly jump out of the car at 70mph during a massive argument, I feel bad for my little brother who has to deal with the rest of my family being mentally unstable

my parents made me leave school in year 9 when i got suspended for smoking weed twice took my phone for over a year then they caught me contacting my school friends on my secret phone and snapped it, I struggle socially because of my lack of experience talking to ppl my age I am so lonely I have no close friends in this world I’m just a side character in peoples lives and it wouldn’t make a difference if I was gone

As for the religious stuff I know that my parents will be absolutely heartbroken when I leave and I will be as good as dead to them, there’s no way I can avoid that and I wish there was

My only happiness comes from mdma ket and weed and I wish I could deal with life sober but I just constantly have the urge to get fucked because it’s the only time I feel truly happy, is that an addiction? I see no point in life and have given up trying to change it, I think I’m gonna end up becoming a junkie and I would probably try crack or heroin if it was offered to me not even my heavy drug user friends would go that far.

Just wanted to get this shit off my chest as I have nobody I can tell in real life