All my life i have been dealing with my depression. it has cost me some time with deciding what career path I want to take. Ive decided to do a 180 from my degree and pursue dentistry. I have a father that believes in me and supports me through everything.

I have been taking prereqs but some of the courses i have taken with my other degree which will count toward my admission. those grades are Bs and B but i wish i could've made them As. Pressure to get into the program is weighing down on me. I do not want to waste his money. He tells me he does not care but I do.

I think about how there is a chance that i cant get into the program at all, leaving me with nothing. I don't have a backup plan. this is my backup plan and my dream.

I think about hanging myself due to the fact i am unable to become successful which is what i ever wanted in life. I always wanted to feel successful and feel like I have a purpose.

I really want to hang myself. I tell myself "just give it one more year, wait till you finish the prereqs to see if you get in" its what I'm hanging onto right now.

I see photos of my fathers face when I feel like this and i start to hysterical cry. I know he would do anything for me. I can not put him through the pain of finding out I am dead. I know that would destroy him. I try my hardest to stay for him, I am in so much pain on the inside though. I feel so guilty. I cant hurt him. I cant let him feel my pain.