tldr: school ends next week and I can’t go back home without putting myself in an extremely bad situation. my parents are abusive (physically, mentally, emotionally), and I’d rather die than live with them, but I hate that i feel like I have to choose between staying with them which makes me want to rip the meat off my bones, or ending my life.

my friends are worried about me, but i’ve gotten it so deep in my head that it’s inevitable and that since I’m going to be homeless next week, i should just end my life. my friends are also frustrated with me because I don’t have a very strong will to help myself, resulting in very little being done to put me in a better place.

i just want it all to be over. i’m tired of having to take care of myself, having to be the one to help myself. i’m tired of being told that i should be better than i am. i’m oh so close to giving up, and once next week rolls around, I plan on giving in.