I still feel like absolutely shit and my stomach feels empty thinking about what I did.

I thought she didn't like me, I thought I was bothersome. I thought I was a bad friend and I thought she was too nice to tell me to stop being annoying.

I thought my best option was to ghost her.

I've been ghosted by someone extremely close to me and it h u r t s. Not knowing why, or what I did really caused some lasting mental damage. I thought I should tell her that I'm going to block her because I keep overthinking things and she doesn't deserve to put up with the bullshit of someone with low self esteem.

Boy was I wrong! She nearly killed herself that night. She couldn't believe how such a close friend of hers, someone she could truly trust with everything could just suddenly disappear. She doesn't seem to understand in my stupid brain I was doing it for her and that I didn't want to be a bother. Somehow I ended up not realizing how close we really were.

This happened 3 weeks ago. She's still upset at me and won't message me unless I try to get her to reply. I don't know what to do, I understand her perspective completely and how manipulative it is to claim to block someone then unblock them the next day.

I just want to be her friend again. I don't want to live with this guilt