Ever since I would say probably sophomore year of highschool my mental health has been on a decline, little by little it's taken its toll on me. At first it would be the occasional sad or depressing thought but fast forward to now and I spend hours looking at my shotgun trying to keep myself from taking it and pulling the trigger while the barrel is in my mouth, yet every time I think about my parents and how I would never want them to go through the grief and sorrow of having to bury their own kid. Its difficult though because I don't see myself as anything but a waist of oxygen, because I sit there and wonder out of all the possible outcomes why did a disappointment like me have to be born. I don't want to commit suicide but I'm scared that some day I'll change my mind on that choice. Anyway I apologize for the pointless ramble, I just needed to get this out of my head so yea...have a good one