I’m turning 26 next month and I’ve just been thinking lately about offing myself. I’m giving this life of mine my all because I’m and putting effort into something is what I’m afraid of but if I’m not where I want to be by 27. I’m sure it’ll be lights out for me. I’ve attempted it before a few times. Tried ODING in the 9th grade woke up in a bed full of vomit everywhere. Second time tried hanging myself when my mother abandoned me. Third was a couple years ago when life was doing as it does best whooping my ass but I was more emotionally vulnerable and feeble. Ex girlfriend woke me up once she found the stupid gas station sleeping pills in the trash. What tf made her look in the bottom of the trash ?!?! Either way unless she disrupted the process I only woke up with a headache. I’m sorta used to being disappointed and belittled at this point. I’ve come to notice I’m less reactive and nonchalant towards a lot of things and people and each day I unfortunately wake up I go about my day expecting to die at any sec and to whoever reads this please keep your sympathy ( no disrespect) save that for someone else. I’m not looking for words of encouragement or wisdom. I just expressing my true self. You know what’s crazy if I could choose one way to die. It’ll be saving someone else’s life. I would hope they would see and value their existence and the ones closest to them. Dying on my birthday would be a little poetic too.