I'm just really depressed right now I know no one cares about me I rather die . My boyfriend is in jail for a bullshit weed charges because Texas is the best state and he will probably be there for over a month. I have no one I really feel attached too . I broke down to my mom about my boyfriend being in jail because I ended up going over to my ex friend's house E that I can't see because of my obsession over her and her sister threatened to call the cops if it happens again. And E threatened to get someone to beat me up. But I rather die by my own choice. I know my boyfriend will be back soon so I shouldn't kill myself and I know if I messaged E on SnapChat everything will go to shit. Even though I want to impulsively I'll probably cut myself and over dose on sleeping pills I'm hoping to take atleast 10 that will keep me out for atleast 24 hrs even though I have issues moving etc . I rather be sick than alive. I'm out of weed , I can't afford anything due to my spending addiction and trusting shitty people and all of this just makes me want to die but I can't. Atleast if I cut myself I won't be dead and I can cover it up with makeup. So it's better than dying . I should be working on homework and getting ready for my new job but I'm sure I'll probably just have another suicide attempt and end up in the ER soon with another 2k so now 4k. Maybe I will actually make it this time. I just hate how hard it is to die . Getting high off the little bit I have and cutting should calm me down so I can go to bed.