I just want to talk to somebody but I know if I say what's on my mind it'll be an instant trip to the hospital. Why can't we talk about suicide like normal conversations?

The professionals tell me I'm perceiving the world wrong, but right now it feels so natural. I have no issues with being suicidal, knowing I won't be here for much longer. Though I know these thoughts are labeled "bad."

It makes me think the efforts to "control" and "mitigate" my thoughts and behaviors are really attempts to suffocate my personality so I fit into society

I'm starting to get comfortable in this suicidal frame of mind. At first it was scary, but now I'm making my peace with it.

I've made my plan. I've gathered my resources. I'm writing my notes. All I have to do is wait for a proper day. And having finalized and solidified a plan, I feel so much more at peace. It's weird, really. And I have no one to tell but my friends here