I'm writing this because I have nowhere else to turn to. On Friday, period 6, I went up to a girl I knew sophomore year to try and talk. We had a falling out sophomore year because I liked her and she liked me but she also liked another girl and was confused about her sexuality. I stepped back and I told her that i don't want to sway her either way and to pick whichever her heart told her to pick. She ended up picking the other girl. It hurt sure but its her sexuality and I respected that. So last Friday I went up to her to talk; because i have no friends and i sit alone at lunch now but thats a whole other story; but i wanted to see if shed be open to being friends you know? And we had a nice conversation in class, she apologized profusely for just ghosting me and leaving but i told her that it was okay. I dont hold grudges like that. She then asks me if i want to go to Ralphs after school with her, this surprised me but i hadnt been out of the house in a while so i decided to go with her. On the car ride there we caught up on everything that happened since we last spoke and then had a nice time in Ralphs.

She had work that day so she had to drop me off after that, and in the car ride back i made a joke that the best thing that changed about her was that she wasnt fully gay anymore, so i had a chance. She then laughed and said "yeah you do" now that really shocked me and i was kind of speechless for a sec because I rarely ever get that kind of attention from people. She assured me she's nothing like how she was in 10th grade. Regardless, she drops me off at home and we start texting for the rest of the night. And i keep telling her things like "hey its okay if you just want to be friends first" and "Please do not hesitate if you dont feel like you want this to continue, i dont ever want to make you uncomfortable and make you feel like i'm forcing you or guilting you into dating me" I wanted her to feel safe and secure knowing that its okay to friendzone me if things dont work out you know? I dont want her to feel bad for doing whats best for her.

She accepts everything I say and tells me im really understanding and a great guy and that she wants to hang out more. So at that point i feel thats like the go ahead so i formally ask her out on a date. She accepts. My life felt like it was turning upside down, ive never really had the opportunity to go on a date, much less successfully ask a girl out. Things draw to a close and just before i go to bed i tell her "thank you for giving me a chance". Because it genuinely means so much to me. So today I wake up early for the SAT, text her good morning, go to the SAT, and i come back to this message:

"I told you id be honest with you and i hate to tell you this AFTER ralphs but.."

"I am technically seeing someone?? Their name is xxxxx"

" and i started seeing them aa few months ago"

"You actually probably know xxxxx"

"so i just wanted to let you know. we can still hangout and  whatnot!! yknow, what friends do. I dont know why i didnt tell you last night, i guess i was afraid of hurting your feelings again. but i promised you id be completely open, so, here i am. Im seeing xxxxx, and i quite like xxxxx, but i still value your friendship, and you shouldn't forget that!!"

My heart quite literally sunk. She wasn't being honest. I gave her so many chances last night to speak up. I made sure she was comfortable with everything I was saying and doing not only for her, but so I didn't get hurt as well. She accepted a date invite, and rejected shutting me down when I probed her to see if this is what she really wanted all the while she knew she had someone else. I feel broken and hurt. I feel used. I feel completely and utterly heartbroken. I thanked her for giving me a chance and it was all a lie. I don't know what to do. I feel so lost. She walks out of this with someone to care for her. I walk out of this even more alone than before. More hurt than before. I just want to end it all.