I hate life and want to die. The feeling is pretty strong today. It feels these thoughts have always been in the back of my mind, even on my best days. But that’s probably just a side effect of my mood today. However, I’ve never seen myself growing old and always felt I’d meet an early end, likely at my own hand. I’m in my early 40s, married (unhappily), with wonderful kids. Does that feeling ever go away? Is there ever a time when life matters and you wake up for more than just biological/rat race reasons? I’ll be silently trying to will myself to not wake up in the morning as I drift off to sleep.

Just venting. Putting this out there to get it off my chest.