The only thing holding me back from pulling the trigger has been the pain I would inflict on those around me. But I figure, if everybody hated me would anyone really care if I die?

I'm going to find some mutual party online and pay them to accuse me of some heinous and vile sexual act, so bad that even my own family would be disgusted. I will then publicly acknowledge this and apologize, saying that I did indeed do all those things and that this was not the only person.

Then, once everyone has the chance to form a perception that I am a total monster, I can kill myself. Afterwards they will probably think that is why I did it, that I took the easy way out, and that I deserved even worse than that.

I just can't do it. I have done nothing but hurt other people around and this is the only way to minimize any future hurt. This isn't going to happen today or tomorrow. I'll keep my mask on until then, but knowing that I have a plan at the ready provides some form of comfort