I had posted this same post about 4 times, but I did not get any help. So, I have deleted all the previous versions of this post. This is the last time I'll be posting this before I finally kill myself.

Please read my previous post (the first time I asked for help in this subreddit in which some people really tried their best to help me) to get context. Link:

https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/idyt4f/i_think_quitting_is_the_only_option_left_for_me/

First of all, I am really really grateful for all of you who tried to help me. But now I really really feel like quitting is the only option left for me in order to get peace.

Although I tried my best to feel better and avoid quitting (which did not work at the end) after you all tried your best to help me, this "family" is constantly pushing me towards the path of suicide. As you know, my "father", "step-mother" and "sister" have completely isolated me. These 3 are always together, discussing various things among themselves, being happy and telling each other bad things (which are actually false) about me. They are always happy whenever I am not with them. Whenever I go near them, they give each other a disgusted look and remain silent till I leave the room. Whenever one of them is facing any trouble (for example, a mild headache), the other 2 just jump in out of nowhere and start sympathizing (over-the-top sympathy) with that person, give him/her medicines and constantly ask him/her if he/she is feeling better or not. Whereas, when I face any problem (for example, injury in my right knee), they do not even bother trying to help me. They just ignore me continue doing whatever they were doing before being interrupted.

Sometimes, my Intermittent Explosive Disorder gets triggered when I reach the saturation point of handling the stress. When this IED gets triggered, I lose all my control and become violent. In order to prevent myself from hurting those 3, I cover my face with a pillow and lie on/under the bed as long as I am in this state. Another reason for covering my face with a pillow is to hide my tears because I cry a lot when my IED gets triggered because my father, step-mother (even my biological mother used to) and sister say really nasty things (like I should die, that I have never given them any peace since I was born and that I am insane and evil). But those 3 think that I get possessed in this state (I have told them about IED but they don't really believe me) and they try to exorcise me. They do this by letting my father put his entire body weight on my back (to immobilize me) and my sister and step-mother do some Illogical bullshit like sprinkling some holy water on me, using some other superstitious things and so on. This in turn makes me really frustrated (please note that I cannot talk properly in this state; I told them about this countless times when I am normal but they don't listen) and I lose whatever little control I had and start physically fighting them (usually just my father). When my sense finally comes back, I see that my father is slightly injured (for example, a small cut and a little thrombosis) and that nearly my whole body is injured (like severe pain in my shoulders, waist and knees & deep cuts on my limbs). Then, my step-mother and sister sympathize with my father and give him ointments and medicine and start blaming me for it. But when I show them MY injuries, they just say that I deserve them and do nothing about it. My father usually gets fully recovered within 2-3 days, but I cannot even walk properly for 2-4 weeks. I have IED since I was 8/9 years old and whenever it got triggered when I was a child, my father, biological mother and sister used to say and do nasty things including threatening to throw me out of the house, beating me with a wooden rod, threatening to kill me with an ignited matchstick and so on. They still do all these things (only difference is that my step-mother is in place of my biological mother).

You know what destroyed me the most? I used to share my thoughts and beliefs with my "sister" (including my views on life and my depressive/suicidal thoughts), who ACTED like she could understand my pain and suffering. Even she used to "agree" with me (which I NOW realise were totally LIES). You know what she did? She stabbed me in the back and told EVERYTHING I told her to our "father" and "step-mother" and they have now formed a union against me. She has now showed me her true face, which is exactly the opposite of how she acted before. After telling them everything, she is now constantly flattering our "father" and "step-mother" and bashes, insults and abuses me (along with my "father" & "step-mother") at every chance she gets. It was like she was a secret agent. Whenever I try to confront any 1 of them, he/she calls the other 2, they get united, and start bashing & and abusing me (like calling me USELESS, SELFISH, UNGRATEFUL and LAZY).

I used to cry myself to sleep almost every night since I was a around 8/9 years old. But now, I cannot even properly cry, even if I want to. The tears won't even come out. I have lost the ability to cry.

This "family" has also been unsupportive in case of COVID-19, for which I have asked for help in r/COVID19_support. You can read those threads if you want to. Links:

https://www.reddit.com/r/COVID19_support/comments/ickyhw/what_should_i_do_with_my_selfish_illogical_family/

https://www.reddit.com/r/COVID19_support/comments/if30qf/i_am_trapped_urgent/

I feel like life is just a curse. It is definitely NOT a gift as the society says. You come to this dying planet without your consent, spend the first 2-3 years being completely depended on strangers (who are apparently your "family"), then as soon as you can do some basic things on your own (like walking, talking, etc.), your "parents" force you to go to various HELLS (which are called schools, colleges and universities by the society) FOR 15-20 YEARS, where they put unnecessary, immoral, Illogical, impractical pressure on you (which becomes a major reason for suicide for a lot of people) so that you get "good marks/grades" without which you cannot get a "job". As soon as you get out of these hells, you have to find a job (so that you don't fucking starve), a job in which you have to work 8 hours a day, 5-7 days a week in order to make someone else rich, just to prevent yourself from starving to death. How long do you have to do this? Till your body becomes SO WEAK that you are unable to do the job (which is called "retirement" by the society"). Then you will develop some chronic disease and you will have to spend the rest of your miserable life suffering beacuse of it. Then one day, you finally die. And the most awful thing is that this whole process of life also include various AWFUL things like mental illness, physical illness, crime, corruption, injustice, inequality, discrimination, poverty, selfishness, accidents, natural crisis and disasters, etc.

Apparently, YOU are mentally ill for going against this system and need help, help from the "professionals" who are only interested in brainwashing you and giving you as many medicines as possible. After getting such "help", you are expected to be "cured" and to go back to being a mindless societal slave, because if you don't, you can just starve to death, the society is NOT going to help you because you are useless to them. Oh, and don't kill yourself because apparently, your "family" and this society "cares" about you. You know why I hate people the most? They fucking REPRODUCE (instead of adopting the children, who are already suffering in this world, to make their life a little better) in this ATROCIOUS, AWFUL world. They don't actually give a damn about their children, who will suffer just because they were brought to this awful world by their "parents". These "parents" actually only care about themselves.

Am I really the one who is mentally sick here? I feel like leaving this awful world is the only way I can ever get peace. Even now I think that my mind and spirit have already died and only my body is barely alive. Please tell me any surefire way to die because I don't want to be arrested by the police in case I fail to die.