So for the past 6 months or more, my emotions had been taking over more than they used to. With weekly mental breakdowns that seemed to have no reason behind them other than “everything” I finally went in to see a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with bipolar depression and they put me on Ladtuda. (New antipsychotic on the market)

The way I act when I can’t control my emotions tend to come out as anger towards the people closest to me. Honestly there’s no way to explain it other than saying, I’m either depressed or screaming/looking for a fight. I never got physical but over those 6 months, there where very few good days and my bad days became everyone else’s problem who was close to me (I.e. my now ex)

We had been planning a move to another state for a long time and my lack of emotional became worse right as we were getting close to the move and decided we should separate for a little while. The plan would be for me to move with her so we can both start making money and I can get enough pay stubs to get my own place.

It was about a month before the move that I was prescribed my meds and I got two months worth, knowing I had no medical insurance where I was going and no real way of getting the meds once I got out here.

We made the move just fine but with the quarantine going on, neither of us can work and still have to rely on eachother to make rent and bills right now, mostly me relying on her. I’ve been off my meds for two weeks now and it’s been harder than before. I have a phone appointment on May 6th but that’s the earliest appointment there was for me to even talk to someone.

I’m sorry this bounced around and might get confusing but I’m in a really dark place right now, I don’t like myself and I’m getting progressively worse. I am reaching out for support the only place I feel like I can right now, the internet.