I have been taking steps over the past few months to try and better myself in hopes of subduing my constant destructive urges. I follow a strict gym routine and am seeing results, have been putting myself out there more often and have tried to be more social, in addition to preparing myself for the future by applying for jobs on a daily basis.

But the thoughts always crop back up. After social interactions, I always feel defeated and reflect on my shortcomings and how the people were only there out of pity for me. After my best workouts, say from hitting a new personal best, I can't help but think it was a fluke and that I'm not worthy.

Even with these distractions, the thoughts always influence me. Is these anyway I can address the issue directly? I don't know how much longer I can hold out.