I'm sorry, I just need to hear something positive from someone. I've been dealing with suicidal thoughts for nearly 2 decades now and the last 5 years have been the hardest.

My wife loves me. I love her. Outside of that I am a failure in every way. My friends all hate me. I'm a total pariah. I'm a fat shell of my former self. I'm no longer an artist. To even call myself that now is laughable. Everything I say in social circles is met with flaccid disapproval. Everything I say through text is met with radio silence. I toss and turn thinking about how pathetic I am. My "friends" all tolerate me and ignore me at the same time. In the few times I've tried to talk to them, they act like I'm crazy. I swear it's like I'm being gaslit...or I guess I'm just crazy and insecure.

She loves me, but it isn't enough. I just want to fucking die. I've tried when I was younger. I won't again, don't worry. I couldn't do that to her. Sometimes I wish she didn't exist so I could end it all.

I'm sorry for sounding overdramatic, it's just that it's gotten really bad. Why am I so awful? I really need a friend, to be honest.

I'm in Atlanta.