So here I am, trying to work through the emotions that are making my head and chest hurt right now. Don't fear the reaper just came on the radio. I'm sitting in the car taking slow, deep breaths because it feels like I'm drowning

My mother in law has a serious, twenty year Xanax addiction going on, as well as a whole lot of abuse she's doling out that she doesn't remember the next day.

She won't bathe, her teeth are rotting because she stopped brushing them so long ago, she screams at my daughter and scares my son. She's continually passive aggressive and threatens us that she's going to kill herself. She won't let us clean up the house. It's so full! We've been cleaning here for six months and there's still so much to do!

I can't put into words the dysfunction and how it's making my husband angry and mean to me and our kids. Yesterday he yelled at me in the front yard that I'm autistic and I can't see it. He told me I couldn't take the kids somewhere while he gets things in order here. Then he told me to get my stuff packed and get out. Then he told me I couldn't use the car. Then he said he'd see me in court and drove off in the car. Then he came back home and told me I couldn't leave.

This behavior is driving me psychotic. I don't sleep well, my kids are afraid of grandma, my husband insists that we stay here, even though my anxiety is on full blast about having our kids in this environment.

Mother in law came out angry and I offered her pizza instead of reacted to her shitty, passive aggressive attempt at lashing out at me. My husband is mad at me because I should have just left the room, apparently.

I'm not allowed to even make decisions about how to speak for myself, let alone try to use conflict resolution to rectify a problem.

I'm scared all the time. I don't know anyone in this city. I didn't grow up here and my whole life is this shit at home and being lectured or yelled at by my husband in the car if we go anywhere else.

Damn!