there is too much noise in my head im thinking of eating all my pills everyday i think eating the whole package or whatever is called the place where pills are i have a second conscience or some shit i hear myself twice i went to pyschiatrist and all but its getting worse i hear screams from my family when they are quiet i hear people attacking me when im alone i cant get rid of thoughts bad thoughts. i am good at programming because the second me is very logic and has a great mind. is my friend but the last two years is getting worse and he is scared to as i am but the noise keeps bothering i could never sleep well but now is even worse and the pills help for less than an hour and i cant sleep on that time so most of the time i just sleep for minutes until i wake up having a nightmare and living on an even worse nightmare. i used to fear sleeping because he is awake while i sleep and gave me nightmares everyday but now that is worse my problem the nightmares are better than being awake. i keep the two thought lines busy with books comics videogames and electronic music that makes the other me focus on that and leave the real me alone to focus on important things but is not working anymore. i dont know why i write this i just want someone to know that im not just a drug addict or drunken man when i look like a zombie or when i look with the thousand yards eye or whatever english people call that they say here the vietnam stare because people joke about that but most of the times im just hearing my family scream and wondering if someone has hurt or if they are arguiing but i know the screams are not real but i cant control it i keep trying to figure if they are hurt or arguing when thye are quiet. my mind goes really fast you know when you drink coffee and it hurts your head because you cant go as fast as your thoughts? is the same but everyday and with two thoughts at the same time. it hurts. and it hurts way more when both me focus on screams or on poeple attacking me and the pills dont help