I havent been in a great place most of this year, and when im in a downer, i eventually start thinking i should end it, so i thought i should vent it here.

Fairly standard stuff to begin with; i feel like alot of my friends are drifting apart, i've failed university and am probably gonna have to drop out, my student house a chunk of people who hate me and i dont really know why (i am a bit of an arsehole, not sure if im entirely hateable beyond redemption though). My family doesnt know ive crashed hard this year, and i don't really want to tell them. I haven't been in a relationship since i was 17 (now 20 odd) and i feel like im getting more awkward and self doubting as i get older.

I dont really know what i want anymore. I'm losing a lot of weight and working on making myself more presentable, but i dont feel any more confident. I'm at uni failing a subject that im really interested in. I just dont care about anything anymore.

And if i dont end it, what do i get? Just 80 more years of some depression, a little joy, and a huge fucking load of monotony.

Feel free to chime in, but this is mostly a rant. Nothing like a bit of screaming into the void to get the load off.