About 5 months ago I took DXM it was unpleasant to say the least the first hour fell like taking lot of Ritalin getting blind drunk and being pushed down an unknown number of stairs the next few felt like I'd poison myself eventually peaked felt good tingling sensation which was worth the come up. the next day I decided to drive to the shops felt very uneasy driving there when I got there my census hided and became too overwhelming and I had to go home next week consisted of daily anxiety attacks and eventually went to the doctor he prescribed me Diazepam and I felt better I continue to have crippling anxiety attacks for the next 3 months I did nothing but lay in a dark room tried a few other drugs the only one that worked was seroquel but it had the side effect of makeing me suicidal I then have actually felt a little better and decided to stop using diazepam daily and started going to University this was going OK I still can't drive because of my anxiety but I was getting used to the train and sometimes going to University without needing Diazepam however every time I think I'm getting better I get a lot worse yesterday I went to the dentist inside a hospital I'd been there before felt totally fine until I was walking out I wasn't Evan thinking about anything I felt oddly detached kind of like vertigo and was having trouble breathing nurses all rushed over to me it said it was an anxiety attack but this felt different. today the same thing is happening every time I stand up my mother took me to a different dentist I felt that same feeling essentially collapsed in the hallway my mother called my father telling him what I was doing I eventually got up and walked into the waiting room when I got to the dentist I completely lost it it was yelling I don't Evan remember why my father keeped calling telling me off when I got outside I tried to kill myself by Stepping Out in front of the bus my mother pulled me back thinking it was an accident when I got to the car she keeped asking questions so I yelled something along the lines of I DONT FUCKING NO WHATS HAPPENING AND NEITHER DOSE ANY DOCTOR WHY WONT IT JUST KILL ME ALLREADY I IT WONT STOP I WANT TO DIE BUT I DONT HAVE THE BALLS TO DO IT" do you need to go to the hospital " YES BUT I CANT BECAUSE IVE BEEN CODSHOIND BY MY FATHER TO NOT AECTSEPT HELP I DONT DESERAVE TO GO THERE " my mother said she would take me to the hospital but then decided against it instead saying I should talk to my father who is just insulting me and saying there's nothing wrong. Diazepam isn't working I just want this to stop if I die it will stop, right?