You get the drill. I'm an 18 year old guy and I see everyone else in a relationship or hooking up with people or at least being friends with girls on a level where they can talk to them, not be judged, possibly be friends with their group of friends and get to have the chance to get into a relationship.

Everyone's probably been there before, but I just feel hopeless. I'm not a virgin because I was in cahoots with a girl some months ago, but even now, my friends who still are virgins talk to girls on a regular basis, and my interactions with this girl were meaningless and only for a short time. I was talking to this other girl recently, but I fucked everything up like usual by trying to make something from our friendship and turn it into something that I would like; and the thing that I'd like most of all or need is a partner in my life where I can talk to her about things on a personal level, someone who would help me go through tough situations, a friend where I can just hang out with them, (like legit just a GIRL FRIEND that I can actually have a relationship with as odd as that sounds), and fucking is always nice too ;P or just being able to lay down next to her, cuddle, or just BE with someone.

After hearing about Robin Williams death and the whole "The guy that makes people laugh is usually hurting inside more than anyone can expect" made me twist into a weird feeling of depression again, like I used to be, because I love to help people however I can, laughter is a small tool I use and I'm known by my friends as the goofy friend.

I've recently been really happy because I changed my whole way of looking at things and having the good fuck-it attitude which made me more extroverted and that helped, but recently I turned into my old self and am back to my sad self. I tried to commit suicide a couple years back and the girl I was talking to then didn't seem to really mind me dying due to the fact that after I took a shit ton of pills, she told me to go to sleep, and once I did, the next day I puked everything out. Looking back at that, she is a piece of shit.

As of right now, I'm much better off than most people I see on this Sub-Reddit and I don't see this to get any attention because I won't be committing tonight or any time soon as it looks. I'm off to college in a couple weeks as a male teacher so I'm hoping that I'll start talking to a female classmate then.

But every time I drive, I wonder what would happen if I swerved into a semi-truck, or what would happen if I took a bunch of pills, jump off the roof, ect. I know my friends and family would care and I would feel horrible to ever see anyone I love in pain, but I'd also love the fact that people would actually notice me or realize the pain I was in.

There's other small problems like my financial, family, and multiple other problems, but the major one is still the issue with finding myself a girl that would be there for me and I know for a fact that this fixes my situation cause if its a girl I've been talking to on a friend level to the girl I lost my v-card too, talking to a girl or being with one makes me feel so much better and cared about.

I don't want advice like the fucking "patience is key thing" because it's so simple for people other than myself to talk to girls or on the other side for a girl to see this and reply or inbox me so we can stark talking even just as someone to talk to too help and that's it.

And if you're reading this and are suicidal, don't do it, I and others can help in any way, it get's better at times and worse at others, life sucks and we can get through it together...

Hopefully some people reply or inbox me and try to help. Please disregard my silly username and just remember me by my post. I have the Alien-Blue app on my i-Phone, so I'm on regularly, hope to talk to YOU, the reader. :)