I was a virgin. I wasn't sure if I wanted to lose my virginity or not, but I go through periods of being impulsive when bad things happen.

I am autistic. Nobody wants to be my friend unless it is a man who wants to sleep with me. I can't even look people in the eyes. I have no friends or close family.

I met up with a man. I regretted it. I begged him to stop, but he wouldn't. It was very painful. He couldn't enter me, but I felt gross. He still hurt me.

I don't want to be stuck in this body. I want to tear my own flesh off. I feel sick

Going to the cops, I will not do.The whole process is too stressful. I could not handle it, especially because of other things that have been happening in my life that compelled me to put myself in that dangerous situation.

I am struggling with feelings of no longer being whole. I feel as though a part of me has been taken. This is why I don't want to be in this body anymore. I would like a new one that hasn't been desecrated.