I don't have to and I think we alll know what I could do to make sure I never have to worry about work anymore

I've been thinking about it forever. The last time I grabbed my shotgun I told myself if I take it out I'm probably going to keep it out until I do it.

Life keeps getting harder. Theres a disconnect between how much you want something, how much effort you put into something, and whether or not you life improves. It's backwards almost, the more I try the worse I feel.

I'm trying to think of reasons to live, but I don't have anymore. The only reason I haven't fully committed is because I don't want to fuck this up like I fuck everything up. I don't want to have to survive in immense pain (more than usual I guess) and not have a say in how long my life is after I do everything I can to make it as short as possible.

Like, resources on how to aim and whether or not super handicap heavy target ammo would be more appreciated than really any amount of "help"

Because unless you have a lot of money or a job that doesn't make me want to die, then that's not gonna help