I've had an eating disorder since I was 12. I'm now 26. I've been through it all. Restricting. Purging. Fasting for days at a time.

The effect an eating disorder has on your body is unbelievable. It's downright scary. Watching yourself waste away, but being convinced you're still huge. Nit picking all the little details of your face and body. Losing control of your bowels/bladder. The fainting. The general weakness. The nausea and dizziness. The nightmares about food.

My body doesn't feel like my own. It feels like a seperate entity that I have zero control over, even though the whole point of doing this in the first place was to have control over my body.

It's with me when I look in the mirror. When I go out to eat with friends. When I put my clothes on and feel like a monster. It's with me everywhere I go.

I'm never going to be free.

Not unless it kills me.