Every day. Every single day I regret not shooting myself when I had the chance. The gun was literally in my hand, fully loaded, pointed at my head. The safety was off. My finger was on the trigger. Why didn't I do it? Now the gun was taken away from me and I didn't even fight to keep it. I just let him take it back to the shop thinking it would help me at the time. It was a mistake to not kill myself. Only pain happened afterwards. A lot of it. And now I'm never happy. I'm always sad. Every day. I try to move on but my trauma makes me depressed and there's so many triggers. The gun was too scary. That's why I couldn't pull the trigger. I cried so much that day and several days after... I couldn't do it. Is there a less scary way to go? Or is my only choice buying another gun...? I don't know how to make myself do it. I have to somehow. I have to.