A. S.

You're still the love of my life, even though it's been all this time, even though we never got to actually be in each other's arms I still love you. I know things weren't perfect, I know my dark past put a lot of strain on our relationship but I never didn't actually love you. My love was and still is genuine, I did truly want to marry you. I know you'll never see this post, and I know once I finally get motivation and send you that letter you're never going to get it and even if you do you're never going to read it, but I want you to know that it's genuinely truthfully how I feel.

You might call it obsession, but I know obsession, I know what unhealthy obsession is because I've been there, but this is different. I've never felt this way about a person this long after they've left, after what we went through. You truly are genuinely my soulmate and I hope to God the universe brings us together again one day.

I will love you until the day I die, I will wait for you until the day I die. We spent so many years together, I really hope you miss me as much as I miss you.

Or maybe I'm just rambling on like a pathetic loser who needs to move on, I don't know. You moved on so quick, within hours, and you moved in with him within weeks. People tell me to move on but that's not normal, it's not normal to move on like that after spending almost 20% of your lives together.

I'm so alone without you, you are my only friend, my partner, my confidant, and without you I've had nobody. Your voice scratches on my brain constantly, I'm trying not to forget what it sounds like, I'm trying not to forget anything about you.

I know you're never going to come back, but I can't accept it, I'm aware of these things but I can't accept it.

I don't know what to do with myself anymore, I'm so alone, I'm so sad.

I'm sorry A. S.

I love you. Forever.