Still waiting on the divorce to be finalized. I'm praying everything goes through. But apart of me wishes it didn't. That he stopped it without me knowing because he couldn't go through with it. That he actually does care about me and feels bad for everything he did. I haven't heard from him in over a month. Absolutely nothing. It's better this way. But I would like to know I was missed.

He was an emotional abuser. Sometimes physical. A cheater. I was suicidal the majority of the time I spent with him. He caused me to be this way. I had a very happy life before I met him. He treated me with absolute hatred and I can never get over his words or actions that scarred my heart. I by no means want to get back with him. I just want to know I'm missed or that he's in pain.

I went on a date yesterday. It was very nice and I was happy afterwards. So much to the point I cried. I cried because I finally felt happy. All that from a first date? He asked me out again today. I don't know if anything will come from it, but at least I'm finally getting out of the house.

It's hard for me to move on. I'm crying too much. I keep remembering all my happy moments with my ex. Then I remember the bad ones and I don't think I can ever trust a man again. I want to remarry eventually in order to have a baby. That's the only reason. I'm turning 24 next month.

I'm scared that I won't find someone who loves me. Or someone who will cheat on me. I always think about suicide. I don't want to attempt again. He really hurt me and now I always feel like there's something wrong because I'm always depressed. How do I have a good day but still cry? I always feel like I can't keep going. My ex took my gun back to the store before we separated so I didn't kill myself. I'm mad that he did. He told me, even if we weren't together, he didn't want me to kill myself. I hate him and I wish he was dead for everything he did to me. I'm in so much pain everyday! It never ends. Only small moments I feel okay. Why can't I be happy? Why do I think about killing myself everyday...